You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
