Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
