Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
