Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
