Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
