if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
