my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
