Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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