and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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