i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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