I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
