So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
