if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
