If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
