it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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