I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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