Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
