Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
