i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
