It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
