Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
