I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
