I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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