yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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