I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
