Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
