Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
