Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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