I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
