I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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