Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
even my farts smell like vagina
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
