so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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