Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
