If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
