we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
