Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
