Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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