I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
