dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
