"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize