the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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