I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
