life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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