she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
