I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
