My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
