I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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