paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
