you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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