hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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