i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
