he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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