Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize