Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
