I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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