it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
