yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
