I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Randomize
