1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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