I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
