not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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