I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
