I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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