it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
