I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
