I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
