WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
