Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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