Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
