Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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