Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
