she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
